weakness

"Christ, who is our life." --Colossians 3:4

Abba! Let my affections and my attention turn to you. My heart knows that you are the source of all sufficiency, but at times my mind fights all that my heart knows; and for foolish reason. Gal 4:19 says "My little children, of whom I travail in birth again until Christ be formed in you". The Lord desires us to have his the spirit of Christ fully formed in us. That the power and breath of creation and love would be our character. 
C.S. Lewis said, "make no mistake, God will have perfection; in this life or the next oh believer, he will have perfection." (George MacDonald, An Anthology). Why is it then that i struggle in simple priority? Father, i honor you by my words and priority but in my actions it seems i fail so miserably to be with you and lavish affection on you. I desire perfection, so that "all that is beautiful will not be beautiful to me, unless it's perfect" (sleeping at last). I want this perfection in my own desires so much. My desires for my girlfriend, who i want so much more to be my wife than what she now is (i'm so thankful that she shares that desire), seems to hold so much of my attention and my affections. They are righteous desires for the woman i intend to marry, but even in marriage my priorities must be first for my relationship to you Abba. Only You can enable my heart in the greater things. Your spirit is the strength of my heart. "For i am poor and needy. May the Lord think of me, for You are my help and my deliverer; oh God, do not delay!" Ps 40:17. 
When I do not put you first, the relationship i cherish directly through and under this one suffers. Abba i feel inadequate and frustrated, and You are the one who can give me peace. Please teach me how to miss Colleen righteously and without fear or frustration. Draw me into you in the time that she is away, so that i can love her better when she's not.