The writer says that no god is like the God my soul desires. How true is this. Even when we are apathetic to his desires, and even failing in righteousness, our soul knows that from which it draws it's breath.
What of silence then? "Wilderness" as the church would call it. It seems that believers go through frequent seasons of a lack of feeling. I have felt the movement of the Holy Spirit so often, and am under no deception as to how good or how obvious that is to someone's spirit. But what of the times (today seems this way for me) when you "feel" nothing necessarily amazing. I heard a pastor speak once about the Lord revealing more of himself to you when you are not "feeling" what you're not used to. I think that Abba uses times like this to cause or quicken our hearts to prompt our minds to contemplate the heart of God.
His destiny for each one of us is placed in a prophetic destiny. I heard a message the other day that says God paints a picture in the future of who we are to be, then ties a chord from that into our present. That chord is that indication of our peace that we follow to get to our destiny. I think that the Lord is showing me today that the way to get to that peace is to spend time rejecting everything that the world and my own flesh want met to focus on. I have to fight busyness to get to where the peace of God is.
I've been praying to be able to focus on the heart of God. To be able to spend the time and control my own mind to get it focused on the Lord. Being engaged is completely different than I thought it would be. The realm of temptation is not applied as I thought it would be, and even in that I see the Lord's providence in not being tested beyond what we can bear. My emotions and fears are the primary points of contact now, which is quite odd. Both Colleen and I have noticed fears that we thought we had overcome, that apparently we still have to deal with. I'm learning that we all have baggage, and that nobody is near perfect. What's more, I'm learning that I'm probably going to be a huge pain in the butt to live with. I know that God's design for my marriage is for both Colleen and I to be sensitive to each other's feelings and needs. But right now, we're closer to being sensitive about ourselves. I know that it's a thing for the Holy Spirit to direct, and it's good, but it's just pointed the wrong direction. We need to be able to take those feelings of sensitivity and point them at one another, rather than pointing them at ourselves. In that we can be sacrificial to one another.
So God pulls us into these places of quiet so that we can pursue him and have him revealed to us in a deeper way. Any of you that read this on a regular basis, and would like to pray for me, I'll receive it with open arms. First and foremost I have to get into a very deep stride of time with the Lord; this has just been hard as of late. Also, Colleen and I have been praying for peace in her dreams (she gets attacked with nightmares, because of her prophetic nature), and against a spirit of divorce that is present in both our past. We have both had a very rough time with finances lately, and we are going to have to pay for our own wedding, so any prayer there would be much appreciated.
