"What is love without christ"....as cities burn

The christmas season has never been so stressful, and I've never been more disconnected with peace. For the past few months I've not been in my old faithful routine of spending each morning with the lord. It's amazing how much my body and my mind suffer. Before my spirit was in control, the body and the mind functioned just fine on their own; but once my existence depended on the health of my spirit, with the body and mind in submission and subordination to it, the lack of eating the word and drinking the spirit of God has become deadly to me.
So what is the answer to this? Seems so silly, to just do it.

I have learned more and more that no matter what is going on, I can't do anything without being in constant connection with the Holy Spirit, I fail miserably at everything I try to take on, and I have no leadership for my family, though it only consists of a beautiful fiance and a dog at present, they still need leadership that I have not been equipped to provide.

Money has never been stressful to me, in fact it's never been much of a consideration. For some reason, the need for money to pay for Colleen and my wedding has been the most difficult thing I've ever dealt with. Again, because I have not been with Abba, I have no scope for how to deal with this, nor do I have adequate input when I have to make a decision. This causes problems when she gets frustrated with my indecisiveness.

Infrequency between blog entries often denotes my lack of time with the Lord, so I should know to keep myself in line so much better by just paying attention to the fact that I haven't posted recently and my spirit has not been fruitful.

I am sitting at starbucks this morning, where I belong, doing what I'm supposed to be doing, what I live from. I just felt that I needed to get these things on "paper" because I always just write what I'm thinking, and this is what I've been thinking. I have some amazing friends (David, nick, Jeremy, Brett, mike, Jeremy) and I'm very grateful for them, I would ask you all to pray for colleen and I as we get prepared to be married next weekend. But especially for me that I would be diligent in seeking the Lord and patient in waiting for his direction.